We are accustomed to associate childhood with spontaneity, lightness, curiosity, willingness to make contact, but it is quite obvious that not all children are like that. What to do if the child stubbornly avoids communication with outsiders, struggle new acquaintances, is afraid to act? Is it worth it to give it to mugs and to courses where there are many other children? Explains the psychiatrist and psychotherapist Alexander Parkhomenko.
What is isolation is a feature of the character of a modest, shy child or a manifestation of a disease? With each case, you need to understand separately. If your child is hard to communicate with others, do not postpone a trip to a specialist-first of all, a psychiatrist-in a long box. Only a doctor will be able to separate the norm from the pathology and, in the case of the latter, prescribe the necessary treatment or rehabilitation.
Alas, many parents pull with this to the last or carelessly believe that everything will “pass itself”, and prefer not to intervene, but to observe from the side. The child himself sometimes helps to make such a decision, assuring the adults that everything is in order with him. Unfortunately, due to the immaturity of the personality, it can be difficult for him to separate this feature from his personality – it is easier to merge with it.
Wedge wedge?
Many parents recall the saying “Klin Krivat” and send a vicious child to mugs, where he directly encounters his fears. The scenario here can be two. If the child has a pathology, such a step of parents can harm both himself and those who will surround him. But in a situation of norms when it comes to accentuating character, it really can help.
In any case, this must be done under the supervision of a psychiatrist, since with an unfavorable course of the process of “knocking out a wedge”, this accentuation may aggravate or develop into a person’s disorder.
So, for example, once a girl with psychophysical infantilism (characterized by a delay in both physical and mental development) on the advice of a specialist in behavioral psychology sent to work – so that she became more independent, sociable and responsible. The effect turned out to be the opposite: even greater self -doubt, a decrease in self -esteem and aversion to a new type of activity – work. This would not have happened if the parents turned to a specialist in a timely manner.
Creativity therapy
If isolation is not a pathology, but a character trait, it is worthwhile for a start to work with self -esteem and feelings of a child in an individual mode, then, with a favorable development of events, in group. For example, a child’s visit can have a beneficial effect on a child: there he can become more open, sociable, brave, confident.
The theater may be a way of creative expression: the actor lives those emotions that he was afraid to survive in life, and this gives a therapeutic effect. Many actors are quite closed people, but they demonstrate incredible openness and sociability on the stage or in the cinema.
However, before writing a child in a circle or a studio, ask him if he wants it. Try to understand whether he can productively interact with other members of the team. It is impossible to put pressure on the child in any case – so you will only strike on his self -esteem and blend self -confidence. You can offer to begin to go to one lesson and listen to what he himself see an obstacle to this type of activity.
“There is no need to force the child – everything should be out of love”
Alexander Fedorov, Honored Artist of the Russian Federation, founder, director and artistic director of the children’s musical theater of a young actor
For the entire thirty -year history of Dmtyua, I remember four cases of a chance, when very closed children came to come to us, whose parents asked to help – to interest and thereby liberate the child. And we, of course, helped. Slowly the children changed. Sometimes it may take a year for the child to fully get used to it, open, but the result is worth it.
Over the years of working with children, we have accumulated many methods to remove the clamps. For example, by listening, the girl performs a song, I give her a folded jacket, I say: “This is a small child. Take it, Bayukay, sing the same song as a lullaby “. The child begins to think about how best to do this, draws into the process, forgetting about external compression. Or I go up and say: “Push me!” – and knelt down. “Still push, let’s get along. Now read the fable ” – I pull out emotions from them.
At the same time, I am sure that a child who is not yet ready to go on stage cannot be broken or forced. I always say to parents: everyone has their own term, take your time. And the guys: parents are your best friends, trust them, do not conceal anything, tell about everything. It happens that children do not want to go to the studio, but they are afraid to tell parents about it. In this case, of course, nothing good will come out, everything should be out of love.
“It would be nice to become more liberated, but on the other hand – this will not be me anymore”
Sophie Diada, singer, songwriter, 17 years old
I am an introvert, and this quality began to manifest itself quite early: I never liked to walk on the birthdays of classmates, on discos. I preferred to stay at home, watch TV shows. Participate in school productions or read a poem in front of the class, even if there are only five people in the group, it was always very difficult for me. But at seven to eight years I went to the theater circle, and sometimes it was fun. Then she began to write music, but played it only the closest, perform on stage and did not think.
A little over a year ago, I first performed in public with my songs. At first it was hard. I went to acting courses, where I was taught to remove clamps with screams, jumps and other techniques. It didn’t help me very much.
Before entering the stage, it is important for me to be in good vocal form, so I do exercises for articulation, and before each performance, the group and I rush a lot – this also gives me confidence. From time to time, the unrest becomes less and less, gradually I began to enjoy communicating with the audience. Sometimes it seems to me that it would be nice to become more liberated, but on the other hand – this will not be me.
I am comfortable to be alone with me, this allows me to concentrate on my work. I am grateful to my parents that they did not try to break me, but gently directed me, allowed me to make decisions myself. I went on stage when I myself was internally ready for this. This is important for children like me.
