For four years now we have been living with a guy together. It turned out that before we started talking, I received a serious injury that led to disability. He rushed to help, support, and gradually we coped with the situation. Recently, he represents me his wife, although we are not officially painted.
However, before the new 2021, I accidentally noticed a correspondence with his long -standing friend. Everything was there in the classics: what a wife is bad, but she is good. I don’t know if they had something besides correspondence, but I began to notice the signs: the phone is always with him, my touches began to annoy him, began to talk with me differently.
As a result, we parted. I took only the essential things. Almost a month did not contact. I recently expressed a desire to finally disperse, since he is so bad with me. Said that I do not suit a kindergarten, they say, because people do not diverge because of this. We talked for a long time, everything seemed to clarify, gathered again, but I still continue to follow him.
I understand that everything is in my head, most likely, but the situation does not give rest. I don’t know what to do next.
Maria, the situation is unpleasant. Of course, in a relationship I would like to feel safety and trust, and not constantly check the partner. You are smart, what you feel – the current situation is not normal for you. You didn’t just start to follow, there were grounds for this.
Realize that in this incident it was actually important for you? Is the loyalty of a young person for you mandatory? Can I say that for you betrayal is unacceptable? Judging by your behavior, fidelity is extremely significant for you, and this is not nonsense or “kindergarten”, as your man put it.
It turns out that this situation is not so important for him, and you agreed with this? Apparently, you still look differently on the topic of devotion to each other. And you most likely just pretended that you agree not to give the importance to what happened. This must be realized: after all, his words say that what is important to you is “kindergarten” for him.
Be honest with yourself and try to understand whether you are really “clarified everything”, because trust never returned. Ask yourself the questions that I wrote to you, and try to make a choice in favor of your values, and not believe that what happened is insignificant.
For a normal woman, the desire to be the only one is completely normal to be safe, to be a loved one. And if these needs are not openly satisfied, perhaps do not torment yourself.
If this situation is for you and for it a serious lesson, not nonsense, then you should still stop following. Trust and really will not come – this is a choice. And if we do not choose to trust, then we ourselves push a person to deceive us.
It is like a vicious circle: distrust – control – deception – distrust – control.
If it is difficult to make this choice yourself, I recommend that you work with a psychologist.
